Jungle Cruise Quips

Welcome aboard the Leaki Tiki. Adventure lovers, my name is (name) and I’ll be your captain- unless we run into trouble—in which case your new captain will be taking over. (Looking at nearby guest)…What did you say your name was?

Those of you sitting in the back are going to get a charge out of this trip. Yeah—you’re sitting on the battery. Some people find that revolting, but I think that there is a positive and negative side to everything. Shocking, isn’t it. 

Some of our scouts here at the world-famous Jungle Cruise claim they have spotted tigers in the waiting area the last couple of days. But we know that’s ridiculous. After all, tigers are striped, not spotted.

Do you know what the difference between the crocodiles and alligators are? The crocodiles are made of plastic and the alligators are made with fiberglass. 

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Eckiphino. Well, that’s not really what you get, but you must understand, this is a family attraction. 

OK, we’re leaving the elephants now and pressing further into the…Wait a second, it looks like one of the larger elephants did not want to be disturbed. He’s coming up again…you folks in the back get down! (After elephant does not squirt) Sir in the (middle/back)—that was very clever the way you hid behind your (child / wife / that lady…do you know her?) 

A few of my favorites:

Since we are in an area filled with rare tropical foliage, I’d like to take a moment to point out some of the plants to you. There’s one, there’s one… (Point left, point rear left, point right, etc.) 

And now, we’re approaching the beautiful Schweitzer Falls, named after that famous African explorer, Dr. Albert Falls. 

There’s old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Business has been shrinking lately, so this week only, Sam’s offering a two-for-one special: two of his, for one of yours! 

And in parting,

If you feel your feet getting wet as you leave the boat, you’ve probably gone out the wrong side. Don’t fall in the water as you leave…we’ll have to charge you extra. 

If you enjoyed your ride, my name is Jodi. If you didn’t, my name is Lisa and I work at Pirates of the Caribbean. 

Now for your (and my) enjoyment today, write some jokes of your own and leave them for us in the comments below. Here are a couple from my kids to inspire you:

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken-doodle-doo!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orang you glad I didn’t say knock, knock?

“Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever.” 

~Walt Disney Company